Motherhood and madness

If nothing else, the last 12 months have taught me patience and flexibility ... and no I don't mean flexibility in the physical sense! As a self confessed control freak, I used to relish in making lists and then celebrated the sense of accomplishment when I could 'tick' things off as being done. I know I'm a dork! But the last 12 months have seen me give up a career that I loved, to become a mum for the first time. No more lists and calm organisation; most days I'm flying by the seat of my pants and are surrounded by a trail of discarded toys.

I always thought that I'd be rushing back to work, eager to be apart of the adult world again. Yet I was swamped with feelings of panic at the mere thought of returning to full time work. It's not that I don't miss work, there are aspects that I do; but I also can't imagine leaving my little girl for someone else to look after. I have been pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoy her company (most days) and how this has given me an opportunity to reassess my life. I now enjoy the fact that when I'm at home, I'm present in both body and mind ... my head is not racing about what work I still need to do before I can actually get a decent night sleep.

As a teacher, this time has also given me the chance to explore career opportunities outside the classroom, and I'm about to return to study. I know that I'm one of the lucky few to be able to seek work that now fits in with the lifestyle that I desire. There is still the guilt associated with trying to fit in my own pursuits with the needs and desires on my daughter (no one ever warns you about mother's guilt) but I'd like to think that I'm starting to get the balance right.

It's not all lattes and champagne lunches, but I am enjoying it!